After just a minute or two of this kind of uninvolved observation, it becomes clear that your story was never an essential part of the whole world. It was merely incidental, even if it was pretty interesting.
Oddly, this is a great relief. The world can, and eventually will, exist entirely without your story—without you there to ache for things to always be falling your way. This exercise is humbling in all the right ways. But it helps you get used to what that kind of freedom might be like. Then when you go back to being in the world normally, it might feel more exhilarating than difficult, and more interesting than alarming. You can let it be what it is, a lot of the time, while gently trying to make things go your way without ever quite needing them to.
In every moment you experience without that neediness, you are free. Unless you are a buddhist monk, the only way you will overcome your fear of something is by exposing yourself to it over and over until it becomes engrained in your subconscious that it is not dangerous.
I became a teacher by accident when I was about No training, no preparing. An opportunity presented itself and I took it. I stand there for the longest 3 minutes of my life, unsure of what to do. It was terrifying, for sure, that first class. The second one a little less so, but by the tenth I had my training wheels off.
After that doing a presentation in front of a room filled with people that are actually sitting down and listening is a walk in the park. Great article, David. I really needed to hear this today. Or get a discount? Or some other sort of prefential treatment? It really is an addiction. The internal narrative around our experience is riddled with grasping and addiction. It is the mind framing the experience in the abstract, mapping it onto the future and assessing its value.
So it is constantly identifying things that need to be locked down, protected from, criticized, etc, which generates those continual feelings of neediness. The exercise here is just a practice to notice for a few seconds what it might be like to experience the world without needing anything from it. This is great point. Personally, I often lost myself in such narrative and forget about how we can change world by changing our mental modelling about it. Thank you, David. Always to the point valuable insights.
Your simple exercise of imagining the world without your personal presence offers an opportunity to cut through at least some of that. Yeah, the problem with the echo chamber is that it operates unconsciously.
This is great. I used to get anxious over public speaking and my face would turn red. I chose a career where I mainly gave presentations in all sorts of settings. This post was also a great reminder for me to let things be.
I had the gift of seeing my mother grow from a highly opinionated woman, to a softer, gentler soul as she grew old. What peace there is in letting things be. The presence and connection of the dying taught me much about how to live. It does make us uncomfortable, but reflecting on dying sure brings a ton of perspective to living.
I imagine that kind of reflection would be unavoidable as a hospice volunteer. For me, engaging in mindfulness and meditation became another standard by which I measure myself. In fact, I now not only criticise myself in the usual ways, but also about my self-criticism itself. Have you had to deal with this or something similar? Any advice? Thank you! My thoughts, just start doing.
Start the process of getting the things done that you are aiming for. Even if it takes 3 months, a year or 5 years. Thank you, Arthur. You make an interesting point. Becoming less reactive through meditation might just take time. I remember when I first started dabbling with meditation, for the first three months nothing really happened. I would just sit there breathing. Unfortunately, I started thinking about that feeling shortly after and have been struggling to calm down my mind and let it come to me again.
You might just be too hard on yourself…a lot of us are. Even the ultra successful. My opinion, just keep trying to give yourself less and less negative self talk…hopefully it becomes natural eventually Another idea: maybe your standards are too high for the short-term. Some self-criticism is probably inevitable whenever we do something new.
In my experience it shrinks drastically after a while with meditation, but I do remember it being a major hindrance in the beginning. Mindfulness is about letting ourselves have the experience that is already there, already available in the present. She heads up a small support team who are dedicated to making your experience with Uncommon Knowledge a lovely, and hopefully long one.
Be Less Uptight Hypnosis Script text pdf ». Skip to Main Content. Members Login Register Help? My Cart 0 items. Hello, what can we help you with? Home Hypnosis Audios Please choose a category below How to Be Less Uptight Be more laid back about life without compromising your values with this gentle, permissive hypnosis session.
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Add this audio to my cart. Add these audios to my cart. There are lots of slightly irritating, but common and unavoidable, behaviors and events that come up in social situations. A buddy may be unreliable about showing up to a get together. A group of friends may all start interrupting and talking over each other during dinner. A party may be overcrowded and full of sloppy guests who keep jostling you.
Most people know these types of things just come with the territory and don't let themselves be too bothered by them. If you're more socially inexperienced though, the same things can really irk you. You haven't been around enough to know they're not supposed to be a big deal. In your mind, you may have the expectation that a social situation should and can go a certain way, and then feel upset when people "ruin" it.
The thing is, in practice it may never have had the potential to turn out the way you pictured it. For example, if you believe you should be able to have an in-depth conversation at a nightclub, you'll always get peeved that it's too loud to do so. If you accept that's just not possible or part of that experience, you'll have a better time. Just like someone shouldn't get bent out of shape for not being able to go nuts and party at a library. Some of the articles on this site describe what real social situations are like, and try to indirectly reduce any uptightness you may have by going over how things really work.
Uptight people often see themselves as important, refined, intelligent adults who are above the silliness normal folk engage in. They think they're more mature than their peers, and look down on their antics.
They think they have to come across as contained and in control at all times. Actually, it's okay to be a normal dopey human. You can watch dumb movies with your friends while gossiping and making crude jokes.
You won't lose your Intellectual card. No one will care. In fact they'll probably appreciate it. No one's keeping track of whether you're always acting sophisticated. Uptight people often don't have a very high opinion of anything goofy, pointless, or mindlessly entertaining.
They think it's beneath them, and that they have to be serious all the time. Being serious has its place, but there's nothing wrong with having a good time either. Having fun just feels good. There's nothing more to it, and that's fine. Not every conversation has to be about how the first world exploits developing countries. Uptight people care a bit too much about obeying the rules, and they think other everyone else should too.
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