In terms of next steps, our article on what to do if your partner has had an affair also has lots of useful information. Relationship Counselling can help you talk about the affair and what caused it in a safe and confidential environment. To book an appointment search for your local Relate services online. Why do people cheat? Disconnection One of the most common reasons for infidelity is the feeling that you and your partner have drifted apart.
Fear of commitment Sometimes, affairs occur at times when you might assume people would be the most secure in their relationship, such as after getting engaged or when someone is pregnant. Issues related to self-esteem Affairs can also arise from personal insecurities.
Sexually addictive behaviour Affairs can commonly be linked to problems with sexually addictive behaviours. So what now? Did you find this article useful? We hope so.
Please consider making a just a small donation. Meet the Expert. Kelly Campbell , Ph. Given these differences, Campbell says it's crucial for every couple to discuss what infidelity means to them. Men tend to get more upset about physical infidelity, while women value emotional disclosure. How do you know where the boundary is? Here's what you need to know about the psychology of cheating: the red flags, the reasoning, and how to navigate the next steps.
They rank low for agreeableness and conscientiousness. Your lives are not intertwined. It's important to be vulnerable with your partner. You see their differences as flaws.
She also points out that the old adage "opposites attract" doesn't hold true as the relationship develops. But after time, people who are opposites often see those differences as fatal flaws. They've become narcissistic.
Take note of behavioral changes, says Campbell, who notes that narcissistic traits are problematic. If you notice your partner has started to crave more attention—for example, by interacting with the server at a restaurant—that's a red flag.
There are many reasons people cheat, but according to Campbell, they usually fall into three categories: individual, relationship, and situational. Aspects like personality traits, religious and political orientations, and gender all play a part. Those who cheat for relationship reasons do so because they don't feel satisfied. Finally, there are situational reasons. Unmet emotional needs can also motivate infidelity. Emotional infidelity can be tricky to define, but it generally refers to a situation where someone invest a lot of emotional energy in someone besides their partner.
This can lead to an intimate connection that resembles a relationship. A simple desire to have sex can motivate some people to cheat. But someone who wants to have sex might also look for opportunities to do so without any other motivators.
Even people who have sexually fulfilling relationships might still want to have more sex with other people. This might result from a high level of sexual desire, not necessarily any sexual or intimate issues in the relationship.
In the context of a relationship, the desire for variety often relates to sex. Attraction is another big part of variety.
Some people in monogamous relationships might have a hard time not acting on those feelings of attraction. Having sex with a new person can lead to positive feelings. You might feel empowered, attractive, confident, or successful. These feelings can build up your self-esteem. Many people who cheat because of self-esteem issues have loving, supportive partners who offer compassion and encouragement. Receiving admiration and approval from someone new, on the other hand, can seem different and exciting.
This is partly why some people will go to great lengths to keep their infidelity from their partner. Still, it can cause significant damage to a relationship. You might want to do whatever it takes to repair the relationship. Your partner may or may not want to repair the relationship, and you need to respect their decision, even if you want to stay together. Working through infidelity can often strengthen a relationship.
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